I found my people…

Posted on August 8, 2013 by sheilawill
Callie and her mom, Sheila, posing at the Tulsa airport

Callie and her mom, another Sheila, posing at the Tulsa airport

We were in Oklahoma. After behaving for 6,000 miles, from Tucson to Southwest Harbor, Maine, heading back west, the dependable Subaru konked out on the side of I-40 in Checotah. It was my second time  in the OK state but I had never met anyone like 18-year-old Callie.

“I’m an expert at packing the truck,” she told us — flashing her gorgeous smile — at her dad’s automotive repair place on the outskirts of town. Our deal with her dad was to retire the Subie for scrap metal, plus we’d get a ride to Tulsa with all our stuff and pick up a rental car at the airport.

“I found my people,” Callie blurted after directing the packing, hopping into the back seat of the truck beside me.

“What did you say?” I asked.

“Oh nothing,” she answered.  Maybe she was doing an anthropological experiment, getting to know people from outside of Oklahoma. We’ll never know.

Callie’s a keen observer. And she’s a planner. She has a spreadsheet with four variations of her future wedding, one for each season. “I’ll plan the whole wedding and let the guy pick the season,” she gushed. “I’ve been working on this since I was 10. You know, a cousin passed the chain over my arm. I’m going to have four boys.”

More than anything else, Callie’s a cheerleader. “Isn’t this the cutest little town?” she asked as we drove through Haskell, a small town that looked like so many others we had seen. “I just love it!”

“Will you be going to college?” I wanted to know, restraining myself from being too specific, like asking if she wanted to get out of Oklahoma, see other parts of the country. She started naming all of the community and state colleges, most of which I had never heard of. Callie wants to study psychology.

“I have family all over the place,” she volunteered.

Callie meant in Oklahoma. Her world. Don’t I have my own little world too? Don’t we all?

Her dad’s other business is selling guns (one of her “funnest” activities is shooting cardboard cutouts of people). She likes to shop in a Christian clothing store (what exactly are “Christian” clothes?). She prefers to live at home when she’s in college. She’s not annoyed that her parents have a tracker on her cell phone to always know her whereabouts.

I can’t imagine hanging out with anyone more different than me. But when we arrived at the airport Callie and I kept telling her mom where to turn, then determined we were both control freaks. We laughed. We bonded.

I wanted to take a photo of Callie and her mom in front of their truck, proudly displaying its Oklahoma license plate.

“Oh, I’m so glad you liked Oklahoma!” said Callie. I hugged her. I’ll never forget her.

Posted in Family Matters, The Rest of the World | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Summer at Somes Pond/Somesville, Maine

Posted on July 23, 2013 by sheilawill

Somes Pond may look ordinary but it’s not.

Somes Pond

Somes Pond

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three couples walk to Somes Pond from their homes on Oak Hill Road at different times of day. Without air conditioning, it’s the way to cool off on hot and humid summer days. One woman in a bright blue swimsuit, with a towel flashing the same color wrapped around her, heads to the pond daily. She wades in and swims steadily for a long way, almost to the other side.

One friend and her partner have been known to swim pushing a cooler, laden with snacks and books, to the giant rock that’s behind the branches in the photo. My friend brought floating noodles to the pond for us to use this week. As we bobbed in the water for hours, we talked about time passing. We went to shore when our hands looked like prunes.

Another summer, this friend and I paddled around the pond in her rubber kayak, past the eagles’ nesting place to a  tiny cottage with a tiny dock. Cars driving along the water’s edge where we had come from looked so small.

One couple swims early in the morning or in the evening when the pond is all theirs.  I’m told that loons cry hauntingly during those quieter times.

During the winter quiet these three couples may share soup at a neighborhood potluck. Community matters on this island, more than in most places. Friends here have become family over the years. We know when something’s wrong.

The friend who brought the floating noodles drove south yesterday to see her sister and brother-in-law who has that damn C disease. (My father would spell it out years ago c-a-n-c-e-r  so we kids wouldn’t get what he was saying. But we knew).

I’m not sure if Somes Pond freezes in the winter. But I know that we will return to swim, laugh and grow older in its velvety water. Just as long as can.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Baby Boomers, Fight wimpiness, Mount Desert Island/Maine | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Among the rocks of Mount Desert Island

Posted on July 14, 2013 by sheilawill

photo-136

One of my favorite Maine vacation activities is  reading for hours, lounging  on the rocks at Ship Harbor. Today I went searching for the perfect rocks to nuzzle against, snacks, water and an intriguing Maine novel in my backpack, hoping to recreate  idyllic memories.

I set out down Seawall Road on my bike, feeling confident that I’d find comfy reading rocks at Ship Harbor. Not so. Wherever I sat, there was too much sun glaring in my face. Rocks poking me every which way. I was restless.

But I kept trying.  Ah… this is good enough, I’d think at very rock. But no, I’d jump up again and move on to the next rocky cliff.  After about six attempts, I finally found the right place (kind of like the three bears story).

Satisfied, I took out “The Burgess Boys” by Elizabeth Strout, which a Tucson friend gave me before we left. “Leave it on your bookshelf in Maine. It belongs there,” she said.

Brook and Gian are happily married. Steph’s out of the hospital and recuperating; Ethan’s with her. Dan’s here with me. Now I feel like I’m on vacation.

We’ll return to Tucson in a few weeks. I’ll leave “The Burgess Boys” here. Every summer I carry rocks from Mount Desert Island back to Tucson. This year — if I can find the right one — it’ll be a rock set in a ring. I’ll wear it daily, reminding me of this foggy and shimmering summer.

Posted in Family Matters, Mount Desert Island/Maine, Tucson Festival of Books/good books | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Relaxing on the sun porch in rainy Maine

Posted on June 28, 2013 by sheilawill
Hanging out on the sun porch with no sun in sight

Hanging out on the sun porch with no sun in sight. And it’s OK.

Is it better to be in rainy Maine, with the wind whistling through all the greenness, than in scorching Tucson? For once in my life it doesn’t matter. I’m happy. Brook and Gian, the wedding couple, will arrive in Southwest Harbor tonight. Ethan is flying across the Atlantic to meet up with Steph in NYC. They’ll arrive at our Seawall Road home on Sunday night. Dan hooked up the fastest wifi ever. We’re going out for dinner tonight with one of my dearest Mount Desert Island friends.

Rain or no rain, it’s time to celebrate family, peace and happiness. How long will this last? Who knows — I hope longer than the seemingly interminable rain. The saying about Maine weather is “just wait a minute and it’ll change.” Yeah, we want to get on our bikes, hike Beech Mountain, loll about on the rocks at Ship Harbor, and have a superlative clear day for the big event next week.

Meanwhile, memories abound like the rain. Teenage Brook said the hallway and the small wood ledge at the top of the stairs reminded her of Little Women. Brook, Ethan and I huddled together on the futon during cold winter evenings in front of the fire, drinking tea, eating mint chocolate chip ice cream (got some in the freezer now) while reading, watching Seinfeld, Northern Exposure or a movie. The “bathroom wars” took place every morning when my two teenagers got ready for high school, until I banged on the door to hurry one or the other out.

Poof. All of a sudden they’re both in their 30s.

Front door in our arts- and-crafts-design Southwest Harbor home. I'm only the third owner since it was built around 1930.

Front door in our arts-and-crafts design Southwest Harbor home. I’m only the third owner — the house was built around 1930.

The wind and rain will eventually stop, like everything else. A therapist once told me the only thing we can be sure of in life is change. It’s worked for me although now, at my age, I prefer occasional fun surprises to big changes.

And relaxing is always good.

Posted in Baby Boomers, Family Matters, Mount Desert Island/Maine | Tagged , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Chagrin Falls, Ohio, is way too precious.

Posted on June 21, 2013 by sheilawill

A mixture of Bar Harbor and Northeast Harbor, Maine, the town of Chagrin Falls has way too many fancy houses with expertly manicured lawns. Tourists stroll the village center with its wild real falls and “fake” better behaved falls, which were created by damming the Chagrin River.

I’ve been taking lots of notes as we’ve driven cross-country this past week. But all my planned serious topics have been for naught. Everything changed as we blended in with the other tourists on a perfect  summer evening in Ohio (who knew?).

All because of ice cream, the best I’ve ever tasted.

Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams ruined me for any other ice cream. It's just as well.

Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams ruined me for any other ice cream. It’s just as well.

Fortunately, we shared three flavors: Queen of Cayenne, a spicy rich chocolate; black coffee; and dark chocolate. We also tasted whiskey pecan and double toasted coconut, which were scrumptious too. Now I’m sorry we didn’t sample the “gravels,” heavier than the sprinkles of my youth, or one of the “accoutrements” like smoked almonds.

Sammie, our server, aimed to please and how could she go wrong offering tastes of the richest, most perfect ice cream flavors ever? Guess I have nothing to complain about.

Sammie, our friendly server at Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams

Sammie, our friendly server, at Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams

Posted in Food/happy hours, Mount Desert Island/Maine, The Rest of the World | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Jefferson City, Missouri, who knew?

Posted on June 17, 2013 by sheilawill

After driving across Oklahoma (I can cross it off my list, leaving only South Carolina and Hawaii to still visit) I craved both decent chocolate and coffee.  There was no Trader Joe’s along the way. Then we arrived in the quiet, distinguished capitol of the boring state of Missouri, Jefferson City.

Missouri's governor's mansion, downtown Jefferson City

Missouri’s governor’s mansion, downtown Jefferson City

Much more so than zillions of churches along the way. Grace Point Assembly of God, Fine Point Church, The True Believer, Faith For All, Cavalry Evangelical Church, Baptist churches galore. It got so that a United Methodist or Lutheran place of worship seemed normal, even friendly. The hold these churches have on people in this unfamiliar part of the country is scary. At the Rib Crib in Enid, Oklahoma, a couple held hands and prayed before munching on their pulled pork.

But oh how I suffered not having a good cup of coffee or dark chocolate between Albuquerque and the Walgreen’s in Republic, Missouri. And the last time anyone mentioned liking my purple hair was in Reserve, Arizona, at a feed and seed shop that also carried “bling” flip-flops. There’s something wrong with that.

There’s also something wrong when Walgreen’s saves me with a chili dark chocolate bar. But as Dan pointed out, I’m in the minority driving across the Oklahoma plains and the Ozark plateau in Missouri, with my purple hair, my dependence on Trader Joe’s, my disdain for public display of prayer.

Yet I was pleasantly surprised by the wonderful bike paths of Tulsa, the gentle green hills of eastern Oklahoma, and the stately architecture of Jefferson City.

Riding across the Arkansas River via the Tulsa bike path

Riding across the Arkansas River via the Tulsa bike path

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It had no vibe

Posted on June 13, 2013 by sheilawill

Choosing the restaurant for my birthday dinner is not a simple matter. Someplace new or tried and true? Sounds somewhat like a bride’s wedding directive, right? Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue…I’ll get to that in a bit.

So much is going on now. Heading cross-country in the early sunlight.

Yesterday was my birthday. Return to Feast with its tried and true creative chef? Try  Cafe a la C’Art for dinner? We like it so much for a luxurious weekend breakfast on their patio, but they’re not open on Tuesday evenings. After much deliberation, I decided: Go downtown to the new Proper.

It had no vibe. Our nice enough waitperson brought us a bottle of water; the size reminded me of those propane tanks used for camp stoves. Its contents were tepid on a very warm Tucson evening. I had to ask for ice. This did not bode well.

No bread was delivered to our table.  A large slice of French-like bread sat on each of our entrees, unadorned with butter or a side of olive oil. Seemed odd. I had Greek sea bass with capers, which was very tasty. I imagined it was the fish of choice for dining by the Mediterranean Sea.

The highlight of my birthday meal — as it usually is — was the chocolate dessert: a chile-dark chocolate tart. Yum. So spicy, so perfect.

And now for the wedding. My daughter, Brook, is marrying Gian in Southwest Harbor on July 5.  They’ve done all the planning for a spectacular celebration. I can’t wait. Just look at her shoes.

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Posted in Family Matters, Food/happy hours | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

A Mother’s moments

Posted on May 12, 2013 by sheilawill
Brook and Ethan as teens with their mama at our Southwest Harbor home.

Brook and Ethan as teens with their mama at our Southwest Harbor home.

Years ago I would fall asleep calculating — when Brook is 8, Ethan will be 5, when Brook is 28, Ethan will be 25. Now Brook is 35 and Ethan is 32. Somehow the years have flown by, and I’m still on the greatest adventure of all. Being a mother.

Just two days ago, I said to my pregnant friend Julie, “It’s the end of an era.” She was about to hop on that ship of motherhood, which may pitch headlong into huge waves, be calm on windless days, but there’s no turning back. You can only go forward.

Yesterday, at 2:17 p.m., Mira Clementine Ray was born. Welcome little Mira!

I’ve spoken to Brook and Ethan today. I’m grateful for their amazing selves, the flowers, the blingy card, the pedicure, but most of all I’m grateful for all they’ve taught me about life, myself and being a kind, caring human being.

I’m also grateful for my dear women friends who have helped me become a better mother: Kathleen Bowman, Andrea Gabel-Richards, Martha Dudman, Olivia Hurd, Kate Russell Henry, Claire Kohrman, Barbara Cooney, Phyl Brazee, Penelope Starr, Chris Graves, Faith Ball, and all those insightful, strong women I  haven’t mentioned.

Julie, deah, welcome to the club!

Posted in Family Matters | Tagged , | 8 Comments

A tall, grande or venti coffee story

Posted on May 2, 2013 by sheilawill

I never thought that Starbucks would be my local coffee hangout. But it is. For a few years, Julie and I walked through El Encanto neighborhood chatting about our lives. Strolling around the hood sipping coffee was the perfect early morning walk, around three miles. The more we drank, the more ideas we came up with for networking, changing the world, and simple everyday solutions to tiny practical problems.

Julie and her husband will have their first tiny baby this month. I’m excited for them.

Over the years, we’ve become friendly with other neighbors over coffee, chai, and even green protein drinks brought from home. The forty-something couple are a kick. He’s often glued to his laptop, in supposed serious work mode when we arrive but is always ready with a funny story. He’s easily distracted. Just start talking in a Boston accent — he’s from Worcester — and we’re off. Probably too loud for everyone else, but hey, we’re regulahs.

An older, elegant neighbor is usually there reading the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal. She’s an old-time Tucsonan who’s quick to talk about local history, tell us where to get the best mojito and lament the United States “turning Communist.” My attempts to find common ground, like about the mojitos, make me proud.

Then there’s the cheerful, retired couple. They’re playwrights, former international teachers who walk around Reid Park before treating themselves to their daily coffee. They’re such fun, always interesting and attentive. I’ll bet they were terrific teachers.

Since Julie hasn’t been walking lately, Dan walks with me a few times a week. We both enjoy our coffeewalks.

The owner of the most extravagant home renovation I’ve ever seen stopped by this morning. I count the number of work trucks parked in front of his house as we pass — anywhere from 13 to 19 on different days. I’d like to see what the place looks like when it’s done. Tucson’s Taj Mahal?

Mark Kelly came in with his teenage daughter once before she went to school. They were fast, quickly getting their coffee and taking off. It would be lovely for Gabby to be able to walk that far.

Today our around-the-corner neighbor arrived mid-conversation with the playwrights. I introduced them. He mentioned that his wife thought it was too far, and she  would prefer to walk to the Rincon Market. Their coffee is better and cheaper than Starbucks, I’ll admit it.

So why do we go to Starbucks, the corporate giant? It’s not the coffee, that’s for sure, it’s the caffeinators. They’re the best.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Posted in Bopping Around Tucson | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

If it’s good enough for my kid…

Posted on March 30, 2013 by sheilawill

Then, and only then, is it good enough for yours…otherwise blah, blah, blah. Sen. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) decides that his kid should have the same opportunity to love someone and make a commitment like the senator and his wife have had for the past 26 years.

Until Portman’s son came out to his parents in 2011 — and Portman really had the chance to think about it — the senator was adamantly opposed to gay marriage.

I hate this hypocrisy.

And who else but former Vice President Dick Cheney advised Portman to “follow his heart”  when considering his political stance? Who knew the evildoer Cheney had a heart? Guess he discovered it when his daughter Mary came out as a lesbian and married another woman.

(Gee, perhaps if one of Cheney’s daughters had deployed to Iraq he wouldn’t have been so intent in fighting the longest war in U.S. history, searching for those elusive weapons of mass destruction.’)

09/10/2006, Dick Cheney, Vice President
“If we had to do it over again we would do exactly the same thing.” Q: Exactly the same thing? Cheney: Yes, Sir.

Poof! If a politician’s own kid is involved, everything changes. All of a sudden these hard and fast, deeply held convictions, “I believe marriage is only between a man and a woman,” this is how society has been for a gazillion years… blah, blah, blah, disappear.

How can this be? How about an ounce of empathy for someone else’s kid who also deserves to be happy and have the same rights as everyone else? It’s always been about the 14th Amendment — its glorious “equal protection under the law”  clause — and it is for same-sex marriage.

Posted in Family Matters, Fight wimpiness, For Love of History, politics | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments