Relaxing vacation or OPS (old people shit)?

The newlyweds are honeymooning on the island of Corsica. The big sister and her husband are packing up to move south.

One of us old folks has aches and pains. We’re both getting a lot of sleep, hanging out, reading.

We pretend to be locals, trying to speak with a downeast accent and driving around to see what’s new. Have they finished paving Main Street in Southwest Harbor? How low is the tide at Seawall? What new restaurants are in Bar Harbor this year?

Oh, it’s all so relaxing. But shouldn’t I be climbing mountains? Or is walking Wonderland or Ship Harbor — two of my favorite places — enough (for what)?

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Sometimes I wonder: Do I have have less energy because I’m old? Is too much relaxation boring, or is it good for me? Am I undisciplined?

On Friday a dear friend told me a Buddhist teacher’s observation that we humans spend so much time “dragging around our thoughts.” One benefit of being older is that I’m not as anxious as I used to be.

I’ve only climbed Flying Mountain so far.

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Still, it feels like vacation. Waking up every morning to sunrise, I sit up in bed and pull my lilac-covered quilt up (it’s been chilly, in the low to mid-40s by early morning). Looking out my bedroom window, I see the harbor, hear lobster boats chugging by. I see Greening Island in the distance, the old white cape that’s been there forever. The shape of the mountains against the sky, risen from the ocean, is always a different painting.

I look. Then, happily, I fall back to sleep.

We’ve been here two weeks. First, lilacs bloomed all over the island in time to wish the newlyweds bon voyage after their amazing wedding week. For this — my birthday week–  fields of lupines are everywhere. Later this month wild roses will be ubiquitous.

For every season… IMG_1504IMG_1499IMG_1533-1

Posted in Baby Boomers, Mount Desert Island/Maine, Nature Girl, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ranch sisters

The big house with its peaceful veranda

The big house with its peaceful veranda

Whether we’re from Kansas City, Boston, San Antonio, Chicago or Southwest Harbor, Maine, when five women get together we’re sisters. So it was at The Big House for less than 24 hours — long enough to establish a new and lasting bond among half of our women’s book group members.

Chicago, Kansas City and Boston

Chicago, Kansas City and Boston

Kansas City lives with her husband in The Big House, the heart of an Arizona ranch within spitting distance from the source of the Santa Cruz River. The mountains of Mexico are on the other side.

Miles and miles of washboard dirt roads confirm that this ranch hasn’t changed much since it was built in 1900.

 

But we five changed in those 24 hours. What did Southwest Harbor learn?

— When we’re in our 60s it’s time to have adventures and more fun. Let go of apologies, guilt and fear.

Your reporter on the ranch

Your reporter on the ranch

— There are ways to manage our demons, which we all have.

— Border patrol agents can be very nice, and good looking too.

— Rough, rutted dirt roads still seem familiar to me.

— Bullies must never ever be enabled. Expect support from your husband or partner. It’s a must.

— Kansas City is a gracious hostess. She makes the best wild mushroom soup, granola and  the most beautiful salad with micro-greens (I finally found out what they are). She’s a consummate artist.

— Being nature girl still suits me. Beautiful places revive me.

 

The Big House with its peaceful veranda

Earth and sky meet at sunset

— Sitting on a spacious veranda drinking wine and munching popcorn, gazing at the grassland, mountains all around, an old barn, touches me more than watching a movie.

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—  Seeing the only car’s headlights to come along in two hours can be downright exciting.

— It’s a kick when cattle wait on the side of the road for you to go by. It’s also fun to share a wild place with wild turkeys, a donkey, a raven, horses and coyotes howling in the distance.

— I want more sisterly retreats with Kansas City, Chicago, San Antonio, Boston, and our other book group women. What a time we had…

Where do we go next?

Where do we go next?

 

 

 

 

 

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Saga of a Reluctant Landlord

Twelve years ago, I packed my bags and headed west from Southwest Harbor, Maine, to Tucson, Arizona. I’d rent my beloved house during the winter so I could keep it for my kids, prospective grandkids to enjoy every summer, when I’d return for as long as I could  to live by the sea, like “Miss Rumphius.”

my favorite book

my favorite book

Some of my renters were trustworthy human beings. Others were not.

The worst renters were the yoga teacher, her husband, kids and one dog — actually two, who liked to dig holes. I’ve heard island friends talk about her serenity. I guess her kids didn’t carve their names in students’ dining room tables, draw all over the walls or pilfer a juicer, which was a present from Ethan.

Bad karma? I didn’t get her, and still don’t — how was it ok to let your kids desecrate someone else’s belongings? And why didn’t the rental agent (whose last name starts with D) ever check on them, as they were supposed to?

Then there’s the mystery of the wayward renter: Two summers ago a supposed Yale neuroscientist drove up to Southwest Harbor for a day to see my house. He loved it and wanted a multiple-year lease. We walked down to the dock and talked neuroscience. He handed over a security deposit and left.  Sept. 1 came and went. I never heard from him again. My house remained empty. The pipes froze that winter.

 

My house is a very, very fine house.

My house is a very, very fine house.

 

Hanging out on the sun porch with no sun in sight

Hanging out on the sun porch with no sun in sight

Luckily, I have the best next-door neighbors in the world so my house is still standing. I also have a genius contractor/friend with a superb intellectual carpentry crew.

A few weeks ago, my neighbors witnessed college students emptying boxes from their cars — about to sublet my house — although my passive-aggressive, nasty renter knew our lease didn’t allow such shenanigans.

Can you take more? More important, can I?

But see the serenity of my sunporch?

One year a woman didn’t pay her rent and my super-duper lawyer had her evicted. One winter the renters mostly stayed indoors with the drapes closed and drank. Can’t say that I blame them.

Another couple stayed for two winters — they were filmmakers and went to Egypt or someplace in the summer. I liked them a lot, until they moved out and all my cookbooks disappeared.

I try to focus on the wonderful renters: the lovely couple who stayed for two years and left the house cleaner than they found it; another lovely couple who retired to Southwest Harbor to build their dream home. “Your house feels like a hug,” they told me.

A few years ago, a young scientist from San Diego rented my house. He couldn’t take it for more than one winter of ice and snow, which I can appreciate.

But those glorious summers… I’m starting to feel the cool breezes, hear the waves slapping against the rocks at Ship Harbor. I’m excited about seeing my old friends and celebrating a huge family event.

View from the dock behind my house -- in the summer.

View from the dock behind my house — in the summer

Still, I wonder, have I come to the end the landlord road? Ask me again in a few months.

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My next bumper sticker?

My boring 1999 beige Toyota Corolla needed a bumper sticker to help me find it. I saw my car everywhere in Tucson. When I bought it 10 years ago, I was already old enough to have trouble remembering where I parked it.

“Well-behaved women seldom make history” was the first. It wasn’t enough. I’m not sure which bumper sticker came next, maybe those extolling our prez — We love you Barack, I heart Obamacare. Ot it may have been “Stop listening to Fox News.”

See what I mean.

See what I mean.

Here’s the question: Will I get a Hillary for President bumper sticker?

“I don’t care if she deleted every email she ever wrote,” I said last night when we were out with friends. “I want to see a [Democratic] woman president in my lifetime.”

M and R agreed that Hillary will be nominated and will have a good chance of winning. D thought too many people already hate her.

Maybe they just hate the idea of a woman president, like the right-wingnuts who hate Obama because he’s black.

I agree with M, who pointed out that we have a low voter turnout, especially in mid-term elections.

Common-sense, decent, quiet people will vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton in 2016. She’s smart, she’s tough and she cares about the plight of girls and women. What other politician running for president does?

Not the right-wingnuts. We have our fair share in Arizona. Gov. Doug Ducey, who was elected in the last mid-term election, just signed a bill stating that abortion could be reversed. Whaaaaa?

Beauty is required to cheer me up after thinking about this outrageous stupidity -- and condescension toward women.

Beauty is required to cheer me up after thinking about this outrageous stupidity — and condescension toward women.

I’ll vote for Hillary. Will I trust her? Not completely. But consider the alternative.

Do I have enough room for another bumper sticker? I’m not sure.

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Racism where the sidewalk ends

Life in sunny Tucson is good. I’m sunny most of the time but shit happens that’s hard to take. What I wanted to write about today was last weekend’s stimulating, fun Tucson Festival of Books; finding my mother-of-the-groom dress in Berkeley a few weeks ago; or reading “Breaking Stalin’s Nose,” a terrific middle-grade chapter book by Eugene Yelchin.

Instead,  I’m concerned about the perversion of my beloved 14th Amendment. (I hoped my high school U.S. history students would always remember its meaning: Equal Protection under the Law. It was the most important amendment, I told them, and if in 30 years we ran into each other walking down the street, “Blurt it out.”)

My recurring concern hit me this morning, although it was one of my typical sunny days.

I needed a pedicure. A friend was having a ladies’ birthday luncheon at the Westward Look. My chipped turquoise nails looked crappy.

Luckily, Melissa at Nails2GoGo could schedule an appointment for me at 9 a.m. Melissa is a smart, gritty single mother who works six days a week to support five kids. She used to work two jobs — one as a nail technician and one as a smartphone technician. Now that Melissa has only one job she smiles more and seems less tired whenever I show up for my monthly pedicure.

Melissa and I talk about real stuff, except when I check out for one of her fantastic foot massages. Her hands are strong, like her. I respect her stamina and cannot fathom how she works so hard.

Today Melissa tells me that her 18-year-old son received a police citation  for walking in the street instead of on the existing sidewalk. “It’s ironic that there is no sidewalk in our neighborhood,” she says.

On the day of the incident Melissa had just returned home from a long day of work. She saw the police in front of her house. When she got out of her car one of Tucson’s finest directed her to go inside, but she refused.

Her son will have to appear in court. I wish a local attorney would take this on-the-surface ludicrous case, argue it in front of the U.S. Supreme Court.

Oh, did I mention that Melissa’s son is black? No matter what your socioeconomic status, if you’re the President of the United States or the son of a New York Times columnist who’s a student at Yale, or an 18-year-old high school student wrestler — if you’re a black male in the so-called land of the free, Beware.

Dammit. This isn’t right.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Fight wimpiness, politics | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Happiness 2015: The Givers and the Takers

I’m an extrovert. I get caught up in the New Year’s hype. I’m glad that “the holiday season” is done and that it’s a time for starting over. That’s how I see it, but it probably isn’t as easy for some people.

New Year's Day 2015: Snow on the Catalinas (over 8,000 feet)

New Year’s Day 2015: Snow on the Catalinas (over 8,000 feet)

Consider the takers. They’re always mad, competitive and distressed. A retired woman in the hood used to come to our Starbucks every morning. She bought her coffee but took a New York Times, Wall Street Journal and Arizona Daily Star off the rack to read. She didn’t pay for them and messed them up enough to not put them back on the rack. This woman drives a swanky Mercedes convertible. She complains about people who don’t work for what they get.

One day she gleefully admitted that she sneaks into movies. You may ask, why? Would it be okay to her if someone poor did the same thing? Probably not.

I think the givers are happier than the takers.

I’m not always a nice person. Sometimes I feel edgy and say something sarcastic to a person I care deeply about. When Brook was little she would often call me on being mad. I’d resist. “I’m not angry,” I’d angrily say. She knew better.

We don’t know what’s going on with a stranger but I figure it can’t hurt to say hello or make small talk, acknowledging someone who may be sad or lonely. That’s giving too.

As I get older I’ve decided the only thing that matters is to be a mensch — to be kind, smile readily (I used to think that was so pollyannish), and reduce the times I say, “yes but…”

I’ve learned to like being happy better than complaining. I’ve been there and it does no good for anyone.

Do you think happiness is a choice? I do. Circumstances and brain chemistry intervene, no doubt about it. Studying happiness seems to be in vogue. I know of a former attorney who has made a career of it. Good for her, I say, if she’s helping others learn to be happy.

Thanks to my friend Kasia (via author Elizabeth Gilbert) for posting about the happiness bottle. I can do this! Every evening, write a few words on a slip of paper about a happy moment during the day. Drop it in your happiness bottle. Amuse yourself on New Year’s day by reading about all those happy moments. Hey, it can’t hurt!

My only goal this year is to make a little more space in my head for appreciation of the present — start meditating again, even for a few minutes a day.

To all my dear family and friends, here’s to good health, good luck andIMG_1026

IMG_1062happy moments in 2015!

Here are some of mine: Dan flew to Jersey City with me for Thanksgiving with Brook and Gian. We’re about to ferry across the Hudson to NYC.  Calling my kids on Christmas Day. Nothing makes me happier than to see them all together!

 

 

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We may be a family of turkeys…

I’m “grated full” — as one of my U.S. history students years ago wrote — of gladness on the day after Thanksgiving (boo black Friday). Dan joined me in Jersey City for my favorite holiday, despite the cold, icy rain and too many people on the streets. He also surprised me by venturing into the city. WE met my oldest friend, Charlotte, at the Modern at MoMa for lunch. The snazziness and high prices were worth it, except  the $16 mimosa (it was no different than a $3 one at Rincon Market in Tucson).

Dan, me and Brook ferrying across the Hudson today

Dan, me and Brook ferrying across the Hudson today

Another surprise — after the seven-minute ferry ride from Jersey City across the Hudson — we took in the World Trade Center park with its haunting memorial.

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I loved having Brook show us around, watching her and Dan chatting on the subway. What could be more pleasant for me than building those connections in people I love the most?

Dan’s back at the Newark airport waiting to return to our warm and lovely Tucson. Brook and I are relaxing, sipping Planet Oregon Pinot Noir. She finished preparing turkey soup for supper. The splendiferous aroma wafts across the room. In a while we’ll take the Path train back to lower Manhattan to see “Interstellar.”

Tomorrow Brook and I will get to see the Matisse cutouts exhibit at MoMa. A cheerful beginning to the fast approaching 2105. We’re so lucky that our days unfold as they do. Ups and downs, yes, but we’re healthy turkeys.

I’m grateful to yummy farm-fresh turkeys and to the silliness and welcoming presence of family and dear friends, even to a stranger who apologizes for stepping on my foot on the streets of New York.

Magnificent Thanksgiving table set by Brook and Gian, with a view of the NYC skyline out the window

Magnificent Thanksgiving table set by Brook and Gian, with a view of the NYC skyline out the window

 

Brook and Gian, Thanksgiving chefs/bakers par excellence!

Brook and Gian, Thanksgiving chefs/bakers par excellence!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turkey soup, sharing caring, homemade biscuits, walking in crisp fresh air, chatting on a subway ride or just sitting around, knowing the next delicious meal will come.

How I wish this acceptance and opportunity could waft around our troubled world.

 

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Back in the saddle of books: Texas here I come!

Growing up in Connecticut didn’t stop me from imagining Texas just over the next hill. “Daddy, is that Texas?” I frequently asked my father on our Sunday rides to Blackie’s for hot dogs and chocolate milk.

I don’t recall wanting to be a cowgirl. Maybe Texas intrigued me because it was so darn big.

I’ve never lived in Texas, and I wasn’t too happy about Ethan going to grad school there. Much of the state’s population is so conservative, so gun-oriented (uh, how is that different from Arizona?).

In June I went to Austin, which is undoubtedly one of the hippest cities anywhere.

Steph, my fabulous future daughter-in-law, is the literary director of the Texas Book Festival, so I’ll be returning to Austin in two weeks. I’m thrilled that Steph asked me to moderate/interview Naomi Shihab Nye, one of my favorite poets and a remarkable human being.

I met Naomi in 1996 when she came to my bookstore in Southwest Harbor, Maine. She was visiting Ashley Bryan, a mutual friend and another remarkable human being.

Naomi and I had a lot in common. I introduced her to Greg Brown’s gravelly blues/folk music. I traveled to San Antonio to see her. She introduced me to a man whom she thought I’d like (that didn’t work out but no matter).

Way more important is knowing Naomi, her books of poetry — “Words Under the Words,” “Red Suitcase,” children’s books like “The Space Between Our Footsteps: Poems and Painting from the Middle East” and her latest middle-grade chapter book, “The Turtle of Oman.”

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Naomi is a Palestinian-American. She’s a Texan who was born in Ferguson, Missouri (check out her recent NPR piece about Ferguson and Gaza). She’s a teacher and a believer in peace. She’s compassionate and joyful, straightforward and insightful. It’s been years since I’ve seen her, and I’m excited about talking books in Texas.

When it comes to promoting a love of books — this former bookseller is going to Texas — but I’m not riding off into the sunset yet.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Fight wimpiness, Mount Desert Island/Maine, politics, Tucson Festival of Books/good books | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Motherhood: 37 years/Tucson: 12 years

How have 37 years gone by so quickly?

On Sept. 25, 1977, my beautiful daughter was born, the first newborn I ever held.

On Sept. 25, 2002, I drove into Tucson at sunset. “I don’t know what I’ll do now but I did it,” I said to myself. I had driven cross-country from Maine, without a job, without a place to live. I was 56 years old.

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Thirty-seven years ago today there was no question what I would do. I would love my new baby girl. Watching her was my greatest joy; it still is.

Mama Sheila and baby Brook

Mama Sheila and baby Brook

Being a mother has taught me more about myself than anything else.

Sometimes being a mother and being a daughter get mixed up.

Today I realized that only two tangible things were left to me by my father: a beach blanket that we sat on during our summer vacations in Atlantic City and a manilla envelope with my name scrawled across it.

(What do you call these cardboardy envelopes? Anyone know?)

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My mother seems to pop into my mind on her own, although she died 28 years ago.  No tangible reminders necessary.  I’ve mostly separated what’s me and what’s her — but still, she’s here.

I’m so proud of Brook. She knows who she is. She’s the most articulate, smartest person I know, and she’s funny. Really funny.

There’s still a lot I’d like to do. And after 12 years in Tucson? I’ll never get over living in the sunshine.  I’ve made a lovely life for myself. And I hope to keep learning about life from my kids.

Our very own pool!

Our very own pool!

 

 

Posted in Bopping Around Tucson, Family Matters, Fight wimpiness | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Role models abound

I’m old. I want to be older, but only if I can age like some of my new role models.

Who are they? Two women, now in their early 90s, who have been friends for more than 65 years; a couple, ages 77 and 82, former international teachers who are now both playwrights; the former director of Pima Council on Aging,who didn’t retire till she was 82 (that’s not for me); and a physician who’s dedicated more than 40 years of his life to cancer research and prevention.

I have a dear friend who came from Germany to the United States, post World War II, when she was around 5. Maybe I remember the day she arrived in first grade or maybe I only think I do. It doesn’t matter. We’ve known each other for nearly 65 years.

She attended our 50th high school reunion in Connecticut yesterday.

“What a hoot!” she emailed, along with photos of hardly anyone I recognized.

Who are these old folks at my 50th high school reunion?

Who are these old folks at my 50th high school reunion?

They looked so old, even the one woman whom I envied back in high school. She was beautiful. She became an attorney. I have no idea what her life is like now. I’m happy with mine.

Women friends are part of my extended family. My old friend and I will get together in New York come Thanksgiving, as we try to every year. We always laugh, tell stories, and regale each other with different memories of our shared childhood.

The two Tucson pals I recently interviewed remind me of my friend and me, although we live thousands of miles apart. The Tucsonans (one a native who attends all the University of Arizona football games with her friend’s son-in-law) both still drive. They go out to dinner and see movies. They laugh — a lot. How sweet, smart, supportive and funny they were together. The hour I spent with them was a joyful experience.

I met the teacher couple at our local Starbucks. They walk three miles daily, ending their outing by sipping espressos. They’re the best of friends — both love movies, attending and writing plays, acting, directing, art, life and each other. And they’re so cheerful, positive and open.  I love hanging out with them.

The artsy couple whose apartment feels like Upper East Side New York. They're that cool!

The artsy couple whose apartment feels like Upper East Side New York. They’re that cool!

Genevieve, my 92-year-old elegant Maine friend who died a few years ago, once said: “Sheila, you’re a bit of a shaman. You make things happen.”

As I grow older, I hope she’s right.

 

 

 

 

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