Tucson Writer Editor

Tune-up for getting old (er)

Posted on August 30, 2014 by sheilawill

Life was going along smoothly. Kids okay, no tension at home, easy job compared to teaching. I was revved up for the three-day pre-nuptial Ethan and Steph celebration in Minneapolis last weekend.

Surprises at a family gathering…is anyone surprised? Old childhood insecurities popped up. I’m not getting enough attention. Nobody knows who I really am. I’m under-appreciated. I’m feeling awkward.

I’ve gotten tired of blaming my mother for any of my fears that were hers. She’s been gone for nearly 30 years. I’ve already changed my life once, perhaps even twice or more. Picked myself up and drove cross-country to Tucson when I was 56. I’ve been here nearly 12 years. I’m on my third career as a writer/editor.

Recognizing my lack of confidence in Minneapolis, when I got back to Tucson I scheduled a therapy tune-up. I want to be strong and happy at Ethan and Steph’s wedding in May.

Old stuff emerged when I least expected it. I was a big-time worrier when I was younger, not a difficult girl like Lena Dunham, who expected therapists to fix everything. But I used to call all my girlfriends for reassurance when a problem arose. I was a ruminator. At age 60 I finally submitted to anxiety medication. And that has made all the difference.

I’m not a worrier anymore. I’ve been happy living in the Tucson sunshine.

But I’m already old and getting older. My kids are all grown-up, launching their own lives. Will I ever be able to retire, write my own stuff?

Maybe I’m too hard on myself. I had a good time in Minneapolis — but not a perfect time. I loved seeing my kids so happy. We had fun conversations with interesting people. We had a lovely time cycling around Minneapolis, crossing the Mississippi River.

“You’re in transition,” my therapist said this week. It was a bit of a jolt. I’m going back to see her next month.

Posted in Baby Boomers, Family Matters, Fight wimpiness | Tagged anxiety meds, childhood insecurities, family gatherings, Lena Dunham, life transitions, Minneapolis | 4 Comments

I feel like Ms. Rumphius…I’m so lucky

Posted on July 20, 2014 by sheilawill

A highlight of summer in Maine is relaxation. I’ve relaxed so much this year that I feel tired. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Is this what relaxation feels like? I’ve been spending a lot of time looking out the window in my lilac-covered bed.

True, I’m feeling my age more than ever, now that I’m 68. Can’t run up mountains as fast as I used to. This morning I went for a bike ride. Came home and felt energized so I started getting the house ready for me to leave at the end of the week, which lasted a short time before it was time to relax again.

Why not recount my comings and goings on Mount Desert Island this past month? Wonderful 4th of July week visit with Brook and Gian. Held a book-launch party for poet friend Weslea Sidon. Wonderland/Ship Harbor/Wonderland/Ship Harbor — probably walked each trail at least a half-dozen times (sat on the rocks at least twice enjoying long conversations with friends).

Gazing at the water is a prime activity…sparkling, rolling, crashing, calm. Only went swimming once — so far — in the velvety Somes Pond.

Four hikes. Three evenings having drinks at the new Claremont Boat House. Four or five crab rolls. Two dinners at Maine-ly Delights. No movies at Reel Pizza for the first time ever (nothing remotely decent playing).

On Tuesday, I’ll be hopping on the Cranberry Island ferry at the dock behind my house. Taking the short ride to Islesford to celebrate the opening of the Ashley Bryan Center. Ashley is a children’s author/artist/old friend — not because he turned 91 on July 13. He’s always been a shining role model of how much kinder human beings ought to treat each other.

My family of friends: Ashley is one I’ve known for at least 25 years. Visiting another dear friend, who’s surrounded by this same family of friends, was a highlight of my summer. She has a brain tumor. Her smile was as radiant as ever. We went for a walk. “I want to show you something pretty,” she told me, leading me down a dirt road into the woods.

Later, as I was getting into my car to go, she opened her screen door and called out, “Hey Sheila!”

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too,” I told her, watching her go inside.

I’ll leave this remarkable place on Friday and return to my desert home. I’ve done what I’ve felt like doing, not as much running around as usual. I feel more grounded. I feel so lucky.

Shall I indulge in one more lobster at Thurston’s? I think so.

Posted in Baby Boomers, Mount Desert Island/Maine, Nature Girl | Tagged "Miss Rumphius", Acadia National Park, Ashley Bryan Center, family of friends, Islesford, Maine-ly Delights, Thurston's, Weslea Sidon | 9 Comments

A summer paradise at my Southwest Harbor home

Posted on July 12, 2014 by sheilawill

It’s 10:30 a.m. and I’ve been up since 6:30 a.m. Not exactly. I’m still in bed, looking out my window at the Cranberry Island ferry coming and going, sailboats gliding by, the one old house on Greening Island. Enjoying the most delightful breeze while reading “The Lowland” by Jhumpa Lahiri. Had my coffee and a piece of toast, which isn’t my usual breakfast. But this isn’t an ordinary day.

Maybe I’ll stay in bed all day. I’ve opted out of attending this weekend’s Quietside Festival’s parade. It’s funny, it’s fun and I’d see lots of people I know.

But I’ve decided to stay home.

Since my arrival July 1, I’ve been alternating daily walks at Wonderland and Ship Harbor down the road a piece in Acadia National Park. Brook and Gian went with me last week.

Maybe I’ll walk around Little Long Pond in Seal Harbor today. Maybe I’ll keep reading. What a treat to be on vacation! There’s something particularly extravagant having days on end to do whatever.

When Brook and Gian were here I retired every evening to my newly named “fainting couch” in the dining room. I could watch my beautiful daughter making dinner, while sipping sauvignon blanc. Later we played Bananagrams (still sipping sauvignon blanc).

Behold my privileged life as a summer person!

Last night, I attended a benefit for the fabulous Summer Festival of the Arts at the Common Good Cafe, (whose morning popovers are better than the fancy shmancy Jordan Pond House). The cafe is about a mile down the road, across the street from the ocean at the Seawall entrance to Acadia National Park.

So many people I knew were there — old students 20 years later, their kids performing as teenagers, part of the fabulous program where Brook wrote and sang and performed starting as a third grader (Ethan wasn’t as involved. He was too busy mowing lawns as the founder of E-Man’s Odd Jobs).

Old friends from our ongoing women’s group talked about growing older. A friend with a brain tumor greeted me with a big hug and radiant smile (fortunately, she’s in stable condition. She reminds me of Gabby Giffords). The amazing talents of Mount Desert Island young people were still apparent. Is there something in the air? Or is it something totally unique to this island community?

People who remembered me came over to say hello. The young drummer who played in the superb jazzy-blues combo, whom I’ve known for 30 years and is now a father, invited me to stop by his house. There’s such comfort in being here, such a rare sense of belonging. I’ll be back.

Posted in Mount Desert Island/Maine | Tagged Acadia National Park, Common Good Cafe, Mount Desert Island popovers, Seawall, Ship Harbor, Summer Festival of the Arts, The Quietside Festival | 15 Comments

A colorful day on my own

Posted on June 1, 2014 by sheilawill

My man is off on an adventure, which I applaud. Before we met eight years ago, I would schedule a day a month to do whatever I felt like, try something new. That was fun but today is different. I’m not alone anymore. Sure, I miss him. But I’m having a fun date with myself.

I woke up at 7 a.m. intending to climb Tumamoc, a steep hill that has a following of reverent hikers. I haven’t been there in a long time. After running out the door before it got too hot, I headed down quiet Congress Street. I didn’t find Tumamoc. (I’ll admit it, I got lost and didn’t take the time to check my Iphone).

Ah, it would have been too hot anyway. Then I remembered a piece in Thursday’s Caliente about walking downtown Tucson. So. I strolled down Meyer Street, Main Street and Grand. What I saw was similar to being in an outdoor art museum.

Breakfast was next at Cafe a la C’Art behind of the plaza of the actual Tucson Museum of Art.

After breakfast I headed to the St. Philip’s Plaza farmer’s market and chose fresh veggies for the week — a half-dozen asparagus stalks, tiny summer squash, fresh dill and thyme, perfectly round cherry tomatoes, a sprig of locally grown grapes –another kind of art (some of you know that I eat by color). The highlight of the outing was fresh-squeezed mango-melon juice. Yummmm!

On to the Chevron station to get gas. Gee, I’m proud of myself for washing the car windows, both front and back! What a day!

It’s 1 p.m. Here’s how the rest of my day looks: revise and work on a writing project, jump in the pool, call at least one of my kids, make a smoothie, see “Fading Gigolo” at the Loft. Jump in the pool again when I get home? Hmm…maybe.

Or I may change my mind and do something completely different. Who knows?

It’s supposed to hit 108 degrees in Tucson today! So. I laughed at this sign advertising an old barrio building for sale. Hot indeed.

How’s it going in your part of the world?

Posted in Bopping Around Tucson, The Rest of the World | Tagged Cafe a la C'Art, dating myself, downtown Tucson, farmers market, Loft Cinema, Tucson barrio, Tumamoc hill | 4 Comments

I worry about surveys

Posted on May 22, 2014 by sheilawill

I took my share of statistics as a political science major in college. As a teacher and journalist I’ve spent a lifetime asking questions, which can be difficult because no one is objective.

Consider the recent Anti-Defamation League survey on global anti-Semitism.

Jay Michaelson, an ordained rabbi and lifelong Jewish educator, took the survey and writes “I Am 1 Billionth Anti-Semite” on forward.com.

How do some 50,ooo people around the world answer questions such as “Do Jews have too much power in the business world?” Interpretations of the question may be as different as the miles that separate people.

“Well, what’s meant by ‘too much?'” asks Michaelson. “We do certainly have disproportionate power, relative to our population. Do we use it for nefarious, Elders of Zion purposes? No, but that’s not what the question asks. As a purely statistical matter, Jews have ‘too much’ power in the business world relative to our numbers.”

So much of life is about perception. How can you quantify perception? Talk with an individual longer than asking 11 questions that require a yes or no answer.

People participating in a survey may say what they expect the questioner wants to hear.

And what comes out of a person’s mouth at any given moment is only the tip of the iceberg. Any analysis is, at the very least, tricky.

That’s why I worry about surveys.

Posted in Journalism/Writing, The inconvenient truth about education, The Rest of the World | Tagged ADL survey, objectivity, Rabbi Jay Michaelson, statistics, teaching and perception, tip of the iceberg | 4 Comments

Aphasia: Loss of language, not intellect

Posted on May 22, 2014 by sheilawill

Leaving happy hour tonight with a couple of 40-somethings, I noticed a bumper sticker I had never seen before. “Aphasia: Loss of language, not intellect.” As I’m pushing 70, this appeals to me. I’ve had three brain glitches in my life, the first one in my early 20s. Gobbledygook came out of my mouth instead of real words, although I knew what I intended to say.

It’s likely to happen again, maybe with a stroke or some other type of brain failure. If so, is there some comfort in knowing that I won’t be a blob, even if no one else can understand me? Sometimes I imagine that Gabby Giffords may feel imprisoned in her own head because she has so much difficulty expressing herself. But maybe it’s not as bad as I think.

Maybe I should be thinking more about this stuff, being a baby boomer and all. The last time I had a brain glitch was at work about a year ago. My colleagues asked me to outstretch my arms, speak a complete sentence, and if I knew what I wanted to say. I could do all three.

Still, I got an MRI. My doctor reported great results. I hadn’t had a stroke, there was no plaque in my brain. I was in good shape. What a surprise!

Recently I’ve been back in touch with a woman I worked with more than 40 years ago. We celebrated Friday afternoons eating Doritos, m&ms and chocolate bars. No worries. We were young and thin. We had plenty of estrogen and no stomachs.

I’m enjoying her 70-Something Blog. I always admired her. And she’s got it down, aware that anything could happen to her now that she’s in her mid-70s and her husband is 80. No way will they stop traveling, having goals, engaging fully in day-to-day life.

Go Judy! Go us Baby Boomers!

Posted in Baby Boomers, Fight wimpiness | Tagged aging baby boomers, aphasia, brain glitches, Gabby Giffords, strokes | 2 Comments

A woman president in my lifetime…and lilacs too

Posted on May 11, 2014 by sheilawill

It’s about time. Even if a smart, compassionate woman president won’t have any more power with an obstructionist Congress than a smart, compassionate male president, we need a woman president. And I want to see one in my lifetime. I would happily vote for Hillary Clinton. So she’s an opportunistic politician. She’s always spoken up for education and human rights for girls and women. How many old white guys have done that?

Nicholas Kristof has stood up for girls and women around the world in his New York Times columns and his book “Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide,” which he co-wrote with his wife, Sheryl WuDunn. What’s so scary about smart girls? he asks in his latest column.

Reading women/thinking women don’t want the status quo for their children. They want opportunities for a better life. If more women held power in the United States, we would be less likely to go to war and more likely to fund quality public education for all. We would do far more good around the world by promoting educational exchange programs, instead of sending tanks.

Hillary Clinton always spoke about human rights and education for women in countries she visited as secretary of state. But I would prefer Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) as our next president. She speaks more forcefully about the ever-increasing economic inequality in America, perhaps the greatest danger to our dwindling democracy.

When I get myself all riled up about politics I need flowers. Today I treated myself to lilacs. As I get older I’ve learned about balancing my anxiety about the political situation with my own needs. Anxiety does nobody any good. Speaking out and remembering all the goodness in the world helps.

So. For my daughter, for my daughter-in-law, for my nieces and great nieces, for all the smart, caring, magnificent young women everywhere, for little Mira — who will be 1 tomorrow — for all people, for all mothers, let’s speak up for more power to women!

Posted in Fight wimpiness, politics | Tagged "Half the Sky", Hillary Clinton, human rights, Mother's Day, obstructionist Congress, quality public educaton, Sen. Elizabeth Warren, woman president in 2016, women in politics | 4 Comments

I wanted to be a “mensch” (good person)…

Posted on April 7, 2014 by sheilawill

When I turned 50 — a long time ago — I started thinking about how to make the most of my remaining years. The best I could do, I decided back then, was be a mensch. I haven’t always been kind. I’ve been sarcastic and probably even mean at times.

You never know how much time you have left on this gorgeous planet. And at 50, all bets are off. You re-evaluate, or at least I did.

Looking back, I told myself, “I did good.” I’ve been the best mother I could be. I encouraged reading in many families on Mt. Desert Island. I’m a loyal friend. I have students who remember me.

And I have students I will never forget. On my mind this weekend are two of those students, both around age 30. One spunky, bright, beautiful young woman fell from a building in Brooklyn a few days ago. She died, leaving her mother, father, sister, and family of friends to grieve.

Another dear student wonders how to give the greatest meaning to her life. I told her I’m sure her life has meaning. Why? She’s one of the kindest people I know, and she wants to do good. She has a strong sense of social justice.

I also heard from my college boyfriend this weekend — for the first time in more than 40 years. He emailed about an old friend who was dying. Not any old friend, but someone who had fallen into a serious depression later in life, who had gone through lots of electro-shock therapy and taken lots of medications. The old boyfriend had remained friends with this man through all of his trauma. That’s kindness.

As Kurt Vonnegut said, “There’s only one rule I know of babies. God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.” There’s a poster of Vonnegut saying these words that hangs in our bedroom. I think more and more about his rule as I grow older.

I like the Jewish view of the afterlife, which I learned on the top of Masada when I was almost 50. “The afterlife is being remembered in your community, in the hearts and minds of the people who knew you,” our guide Chayim told us.

The young woman from Southwest Harbor who died in Brooklyn has so many loving friends. They will never forget her.

Posted in Baby Boomers, Mental illness, Mount Desert Island/Maine | Tagged a meaningful life, acts of kindness, death and grief, friendship, Jewish afterlife, Kurt Vonnegut, Southwest Harbor | 2 Comments

Lupines, please wait for me!

Posted on March 23, 2014 by sheilawill

Lupines a.k.a. Texas bluebonnets

In Arizona they’re called Texas bluebonnets. To me they’re lupines. They grow in the Tucson mountains, much smaller than in Maine. Yup, was I surprised yesterday when I came across Maine-sized purple blossoms at the Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix.

We were there to see the strange and beautiful mix of Dale Chihuly’s glass installations set among the Saguaro, octopus, hedgehog and cholla cacti.

Lovely, ghostlike “baby belugas” that look like quail

An explosion of orange!

As much as I loved Chihuly’s eye-popping creations, plunked in the middle of the desert, the real flowers evoked more nature-girl joy. Intense pink and orange cacti blossoms amaze me every spring — even after living in Tucson for 11 years.

Hedgehog cacti flowers!

March and April are heavenly here. Perfect weather. Cloudless blue sky. Flowers everywhere. Brunch on the Hotel Congress patio. Daily sunshine that I never find boring.

Yet I’m reminded of lupine fields all over Mt. Desert Island in June. “Miss Rumphius,” story and pictures by my friend and role model, the late Barbara Cooney, tells the story of coastal Maine’s romance with lupines.

I know what a rough winter it’s been for my Maine friends. Just a few more months till fields of peppery-smelling stalks of purple flowers will be swaying in the ocean breeze. Glorious lupines, I’ll be there on June 30. Please wait for me!

Posted in Bopping Around Tucson, Mount Desert Island/Maine, Nature Girl | Tagged "Miss Rumphius", Barbara Cooney, Dale Chihuly, Desert Botanical Garden, lupines, spring wildflowers | 2 Comments

She remembered me. I commended her.

Posted on March 7, 2014 by sheilawill

I never voted for her, but former U.S. Sen. Olympia Snowe (R-ME) is a sensible Mainer. It’s appalling how far from sensible Congress is these days. In 2012, Snowe announced she wouldn’t run for a fourth term, refusing to subject herself to ongoing political polarization. Who can blame her?

The legislative “process has been perverted,” she said in her lecture at the University of Arizona James E. Rogers College of Law tonight. Both major parties are “playing a game of political chicken,” playing to their base to raise more money for future primaries and elections. It’s disgusting. Obscene.

I’m reminded of the time when she used that word 15 years ago. We were both at a small cocktail party in Northeast Harbor, Maine, that had something to do with the College of the Atlantic. We were chatting. A young woman kept coming around with white wine.

President Bill Clinton had just been impeached and acquitted at his trial in the Senate. Sen. Snowe repeatedly voiced her opposition to kicking him out of office.

“I want to commend you for being so civil about the Clinton impeachment,” I said.

“The public has no idea what the right-wing fanatics wanted to do to him. It was obscene,” she replied.

Around 20 years ago, I walked down the hall with Olympia after she spoke to my students at Mt. Desert Island High School. She supported Ronald Reagan’s Star Wars Missile Defense System. I didn’t.

“You’re so good on women’s issues, social justice, all that important stuff,” I told her. “But I can’t vote for you.” She smiled.

Now she’s working hard to bring back bipartisanship in Washington. It may not not be possible but she’s trying her damnedest.

I spoke to her tonight. At first I didn’t think she remembered me. But she did. Again, I just wanted to thank her.

Posted in Mount Desert Island/Maine, politics | Tagged bipartisanship, Clinton impeachment trial, legislative inaction, Mt. Desert Island High School, political chicken, right-wing fanatics, Sen. Olympia Snowe, University of Arizona School of Law | 3 Comments