An October evening out

It’s now possible to sit outdoors for a happy hour without melting, this one with Julie and Penny at Lodge on the Desert. From 4-6 the bar menu and certain drinks are half price. I opted for the prickly pear mojito. I’m always on the lookout for a serviceable mojito, knowing full well that nothing will match the original concoction ( I drank quite a few) in Cuba, April 2002. Lodge on the Desert’s version was enough to make me happy, filmy pink in color with sprigs of real mint squished into the glass. Always a good sign.

The bar patio at the Lodge was lovely, bordered with sparkly lights, and seemed far away from surrounding city streets.  Enter the Centurians: a group of around 100 men, according to their website, who conduct support activities for Tucson’s St. Mary’s Hospital.

Without a civilizing woman in sight, the guys got louder and louder the more bottles of beer were carried out to them. Luckily, we ordered our appetizers while they were in the early stages of partying, or doing whatever they were doing to help out the hospital.

Slightly spicy chicken wings with thick homemade ranch dressing, chunky guacamole sans chips and shrimp cocktail soon appeared at our table. We had ordered a shrimp fritter appetizer, so our smiling server was kind enough to bring our second shrimp delight no charge. Yum.

“What,” Penny and I both frequently asked over the roar of the Centurians. Young Julie said she was able to shut out the noise, which impressed me as very Zen.

For those of you wondering what we talk about at our sporadic ventures to different Tucson restaurants, here goes: word game apps, other restaurants, cooking and grocery shopping and who goes alone or with a husband or partner (and what to do if a partner slips a liter coke bottle into the shopping cart). What activities each of us enjoyed sharing with said husband/partner required conversation.

As we mulled over such essential topics, the Centurian men finally retreated to the Palm Room for dinner. When their howling grew to a fever pitch, I figured a stripper or a woman emerging from a giant cake was the cause.

You know how women are always considered the big talkers? These guys were blabbing away, even before they reached their beer limit. I wonder what they were talking about.

When they got too drunk to formulate words, the wild rumpus began. I wonder if their wives and girlfriends showed up to drive them home.

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“We who believe in freedom…”

What year was that American Booksellers Convention? Was it in D.C. when I was invited to an intimate concert with “Sweet Honey in the Rock?” My memory may be spotty but I can picture around 100 of us. I brought my friend, children’s author/illustrator Anne Sibley O’Brien. We couldn’t help ourselves, and jumped up whooping and clapping after every heart-grabbing song.

Back in the day of American Booksellers conventions in LA or NYC, when publishers wined and dined independent booksellers large and small, I made the party scene. I was invited to fancy dinners at elegant restaurants because I was part of the in-group of national children’s booksellers. Probably because I spoke up (blurted?): “This is what we should do…blah blah blah.” I was young, or at least younger.

These days, I think of my 15 years owning Oz Books as my life’s work. A challenge that I took on myself, and succeeded. It all came back to me this morning at Gus Balon’s, when our server talked about families coming into the restaurant with their babies, watching them grow into adolescence as they nibbled scrambled eggs, French toast and humungous cinnamon rolls.

My current Southwest Harbor winter renter remembers Oz Books, which lasted — and changed the world for many kids — from 1982 to 1997. Now those grown-up kids may read iPads, Kindles or real books, but they got their start loving words and ideas by coming to OZ. Many of their parents and grown-up kids have told me so.

Occupy Wall Street protesters will remember this experience for the rest of their lives. I would be there in a second if I didn’t live thousands of miles away. I wouldn’t sleep in a tent, or hang out in the park when it gets cold. Been there, done that. But if the protesters are still there at Thanksgiving time, I’ll visit. I commend those who are now taking a stand, young and old, speaking up for 99 percent of us. Somebody has to.

“We who believe in freedom cannot rest.”

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Saltwater caramel gelato and Buddhist Thai food

Every October thousands of folks head to City Hall plaza, partaking in what is lovingly called “Tucson Eat Yourself.” It’s a three-day celebration of Southwestern cultures, but mostly it’s about food. I had the day off from work so I biked downtown on the quietest day of the festival.

Scoping out the food booths was the first order of business. There’s Danish and Afghan, Laotian and Norwegian, lots of Thai, Sonoran hot dogs —  with everything on a hot dog to induce a heart attack that you can possibly imagine. And that’s a mere sampling of the multicultural feast. Bordering the plaza I found the Croatian Wagon, Mama Joy’s Catfish, and the Thriratana Tucson Buddhist Temple’s Thai food. They also had that delicious, slightly sweet Thai iced tea I love. Contributing to a Buddhist Temple sealed the deal. No long lines on the plaza in front of the main library, so I stepped up for a combination plate consisting of delicate chicken curry, pad thai and a yummy skewer of chicken satai.

As if that wasn’t enough for my unusually early lunch, I remembered seeing the Frost gelato cart shortly after I locked my bike when I arrived at the festival at 11 a.m.  Following smooth saxophone sounds, I ambled over the walking bridge crossing Congress St., found the lively military brass band and sat down to read the newspaper and listen. Nice to have a day off to enjoy this, I thought.

After my Thai lunch I passed the Hub Restaurant cart with its scrumptious salted caramel ice cream, but decided to go for the gelato instead. Half the calories, right? Luckily, it was a short search. It was probably 90 degrees. I spotted a woman strolling along happily spooning gelato out of a Frost cup and asked her for directions. I smiled at the young Frost scoopers, who offered me a taste of espresso with my saltwater caramel cup.

The festival is brimming with choices. I’m happy that today mine were easy. Plenty of music was being played that I could have swayed to. There were craft booths that I hurried by, dogs for adoption, city council members to complain to or laud, even talks about borders, gluten, meditation and healing techniques.

But I got what I came for. Tucson Eat Yourself, indeed.

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Fear-mongering among the 1 percent/Promoting innovation among the rest of us

C’mon, New York Times columnist and Princeton University economist Paul Krugman isn’t some flaming radical; he’s one of the intelligentsia. But that’s part of the  fear-mongering that’s rampant: Mistrust those smart guys. What do they know? They’re not like us. Are the super-rich like the rest of us?

The super-rich are playing the remaining 99 percent of us, clutching their greed close to their chests, and horribly misleading working people. What’s really pathetic is that it often works, aligning those who have jobs with millionaires. DON’T TAKE WHAT WE HAVE is the message. It’s something many ultra-rich and working people oddly agree on.

Why do so many Americans fear the smartest among us not the richest, although they’re the ones who are screwing the rest of us? The average American CEO makes 475 times more than the average worker. So much for the false Reaganite trickle-down economics. I earn the same as an average high school graduate, even though I have a master’s degree and lots of professional experience, but I’ve made my choices. (When 9.6 percent of recent college graduates can’t get any job, they have no choices to make).

Here’s what I’d love to see: the federal government awarding grants to people over 55 with a creative project based on their life experiences, which will better the lives of their fellow citizens.

Far-fetched? It’s got to be a better idea than sinking trillions of dollars a day into endless — and fruitless — wars.

Who else has any vision? John Boehner? “I laugh just thinking about the question,” writes Tom Friedman in yesterday’s NYT. “What is President Obama’s vision? I cry when I think about the question,” he continues.

“We cannot bail or tax-cut our way to prosperity. We can only, as [Steve] Jobs understood, invent our way to prosperity,” writes Friedman.

So why is innovation, education and entrepreneurship that benefits all of us, or as the 14th Amendment states, equal protection under the law, so scary?

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A New-ish Year

May we all be inscribed in the Book of Life by whoever does the inscribing. May we dip apple slices in honey, munching and crunching, smiling and saying to those we love, “Life is sweet.” May we curl up on a comfy couch reading a good book, transported to new worlds. May we send energy and hope for more equitable happier lives to young protesters everywhere, from New York City to Cairo. May we truly love who we love.

That’s my prayer on this Yom Kippur, the most sacred day in the Jewish calendar. It doesn’t serve me or anybody else to sit in a synagogue for hours listening to words that mean nothing to me. I like to think for myself not blankly recite somebody else’s words. There’s no comfort there.

At 65, I’m still a rebel in my heart. I weigh more than ever and my silvery short hair looks weird. (Plus, as Dan just said, I sing funny). I’m not one of “The Crazy Ones” like Steve Jobs who will change the world but hell I’ve done my part.

Starting this new-ish year, I’m grateful that Dan is here. I’m grateful that Ethan and Brook are well and happy, contributing to the world of ideas — the only thing that can change the status quo. Occupy life, “Occupy Wall Street.” Speak your mind. They’re doing it in their own ways. I’m a proud mama.

The status quo sucks right now. I’m obsessed with Steve Jobs, not because he followed his heart like some new-agey mantra, but because he could sit down, think clearly and accomplish his dreams. As The Onion says, maybe he was the last American who knew what the fuck what he was doing.

I remember parents who came to Oz Books, my children’s bookstore in Maine, during the 1990s, lamenting that their kids only wanted to read fantasy. They asked me to recommend nonfiction; they wanted their kids to read true stuff.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge,” I always told those parents, quoting Albert Einstein. So in this new-ish year, my hope is that more people tell the truth — and use their imaginations — for the betterment of us all.

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Being Jew-ish

No High Holiday services for me but here’s what I did in addition to having days off from work. Dipped pieces of apple in honey to assure a sweet new year, took a morning for reflection and writing with my Gemini pal Julie, walked by Temple Emanu-El’s mobbed parking lot and felt guilty.

Why are people deeply entrenched in religion? I’m optimistic, have faith in the goodness of the vast majority of people, but I believe it’s who we are as human beings, not about religion.

Is religion meant to stop people from doing weird things? Weird stuff happens no matter what we do.

Stephen King calls “The Leftovers” by Tom Perrotta “the best Twilight Zone episode you never saw” in a recent New York Times book review. Spooky. On Oct. 14 (it’s coming up!) people all over the planet are swooped up, very much like the born-again Christian version of “The Rapture,” except Perrotta’s characters aren’t necessarily believers. They just randomly disappear.

In the book, a cult develops with adherents donning white robes, taking a vow of silence — cigarettes dangling from their mouths (it’s a look). They follow people around, transmitting important lessons through an insistent gaze.

I’m about halfway through the book so I don’t know how or if the situation resolves.

“Higher Ground,” which was directed by and stars the lovely, talented Vera Farmiga, was more down-to-earth than “The Leftovers.” The movie takes a young girl from the scary “Do you take Jesus as your savior?” question when she raises her hand in church, to her grown-up married self living in a strict Christian community. Farmiga’s character Corinne Walker comes full circle.

Corinne has always read a lot — a rebellious practice — and there’s no way she can believe everything that she’s told, especially how a woman should adhere to her husband’s wishes.

While a Rotten Tomatoes review says the Irish postman reading a Yeats poem aloud doesn’t ring true, I’d say the scene with dogs surrounding Corinne is totally unnecessary. See the movie; let me know what you think.

Meanwhile, we’re in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the day when we’re hopefully inscribed in the Book of Life. I want everyone I love to be inscribed in the Book of Life. Like Farmiga’s Corinne, I empathize with the religious beliefs that are part of me. I just don’t buy them.

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If you’re happy and you know it…

Clap your hands! Exactly what moviegoers did after viewing “Happy” at the Loft Cinema yesterday. Even though it can get mushy, I’m glad — even happy — that psychologists are studying the ever-popular emotion.

Here’s what I found out: Fifty percent of being happy is based on genetics; 10 percent is based on circumstances, which includes financial status, job, relationship.

And here’s the biggie: Forty percent of what makes us happy is up for grabs/intentional activities, our life choices.

I’ve often wondered why some people who’ve had rough childhoods turn out to be happy, confident, involved grown-ups, while others go down the tubes?

The kind word, the caring teacher, the influential book can make a huge difference.

A University of Illinois psychologist who appeared in “Happy” said he’s studied happiness for 25 years. When he first started, his colleagues chided him for pursuing such a “flaky” subject. They’d been studying depression all those years. (Dan pointed out that’s the medical model, look for what’s wrong).

It’s so cool that current neuroscience research can show how our brains respond to exercise or to cooperating with others or feeling connected to friends and family, all components of happiness, say the psychologists.

We can decide to become happier, read books like — and take on — “The Happiness Project.” (Gretchen Rubin is a Yale Law School grad who spent a year focusing on what made her happy). I haven’t read “Stumbling Upon Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert, but I like the title.

Did I stumble upon happiness? I made choices like moving away from ice and snow to sunny Tucson, leaving the stress of teaching. But I’m also post-menopausal and don’t have the same bouts of anxiety. I was lucky enough to meet Dan. If my grown-up children are doing well all is right with the world (although it’s clearly not).

Driving home from work today I was listening to NPR. Commentator Andrei Codrescu said, “It’s been a year like a ride in hell’s Disney World.”

Are we in for “impending doom?” I don’t know. Researchers have found that having a purpose in the world is also a component of happiness. I’ve learned over the years that it’s best to do what I can — and not take myself too seriously. I’m happy.

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34 years ago

It was 94 degrees in Tucson when we finished but I was determined. Thirty-one miles riding my bike (longest ride ever) to honor what I was doing 34 years ago today: I was in labor.

Brook Wilensky-Lanford was born Sept. 25, 1977 at the Dartmouth Hitchcock Hospital in Hanover, New Hampshire.

Who knew where life would take us?

No surprise that my amazingly talented daughter would write a superb book. She’s always been the most perceptive person I know, and a brilliant writer since she wrote a play at age 11 that questioned democracy.

I was 31 when she was born, and had never ridden a bike more than 10 miles. We had a big vegetable garden in a makeshift field by Hartford High School in White River Jct., Vermont, where I taught social studies, what I thought would be my life’s work. (Maybe it was,  I put enough blood, sweat and tears into it at the time.)

While I was hugely pregnant I watched sugar snap peas sprouting from the earth. Back then, we didn’t know which sex babies were until we held them. It was all so f***ing amazing. Both emerging peas and babies.

I soon became Mother Earth, nursing and/or pregnant for five straight years…Ethan arrived in 1981 and nursed until he was 2, when the rocking chair we sat on every evening broke.

I haven’t planted a real garden in years. But I’ve grown. More important, I’ve watched my children grow into spectacular adults — compassionate, empathetic, articulate, bright human beings — contributing to the world.

I’m so proud of all of us.

 

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They’re all wacky

When asked about my position on the Israeli-Palestinian stalemate, my mantra was always, “they’re all crazy.” Done. It offered a way to avoid getting mired in a complex discussion. Nowadays, I say the same thing about our tiresome political stalemate. Nothing gets done, there’s no respect, and instead of the old talk about “the evil ones” by mad-dog Cheney, referring to the fear of omnipresent terrorists, too many people are just plain mean.

No wonder more people have pets than ever before. Dogs and cats smile at them. When my kids were little back in Maine we had two big white fluffy Samoyed dogs in a row; that’s the breed that the doggie guidebooks say “have the Christmas spirit in their hearts all year round.” Both dogs were named “Friend.” As a toddler Brook would sit on the floor with her giant “Friend” and stick her tiny hand in his mouth. (I guess it tickled because she always giggled.)

Would it be better if people didn’t talk so much? It used to be — back in the good old days — that we all kept a lower profile in public. If you didn’t think a young person with a disease who chose not to purchase health insurance should shrivel up and die, you didn’t yell “let him die” en masse at a nationally televised political debate. The League of Women Voters wouldn’t have allowed it.

What happened to them anyway? Have they gone the way of  many bipartisan organizations?

The other thing I don’t get is why parents allow screaming children to stay in a restaurant while other folks are dining out for the evening. We would always whisk a screaming child outdoors, telling her or him to use their indoor voice. There was no other way to return to the happening-place.

And my one complaint about Tucson — maybe the extreme summer heat gets to me occasionally — is talkative people in movie theaters. It always happens, I’m not kidding.

Venting is good.

 

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Sunday in Tucson

Every day in Tucson begins with sunshine. But when it’s 70 degrees at 8 a.m. that’s cause to celebrate. When the light makes everything look crisper, more shaded along the edges, clearer than the summer haze, well, that’s September.

And curiously, the light is the same here as it is during a Maine September. For a new Englander, a former teacher — and a mother — September is always the beginning. Not just the incomparable MacIntosh apple-picking days or the start of school, this is the beginning of Brook’s birthday week. She’ll be 34 on Sept 25.

Yesterday was the beginning of the most beautiful season in Tucson, when you can hike after 6 a.m. without melting in 100-degree heat. At around 9:30 I headed for Finger Rock north on Campbell, winding from the center of Tucson into the Foothills where the expensive, enormous houses practically hug the magnificent Santa Catalina Mountains, at least 8,000 feet high. The trail I was taking is noted for a rocky digit pointing toward the sky. I’ve never been to the top.

There’s a favorite stopping place along the way where I’ve taken my grown-up kids to picnic and read the Sunday New York Times when they both visited last. Yesterday I wanted to see desert flowers blooming after all the rain we had last week. Yup, there were fish-hook cacti with yellow flowers, their soft centers attracting insects. The Ocotillo stalks were all greened up with leaves but no grape-like sprigs of  orange blossoms.

My Sunday Times awaited on the front seat of my car. But for a short time I didn’t want to think about the world’s troubles. I wanted only to report on flowers.

It got warmer as I descended the trail. Next stop the Apple Store; I needed a MacBook Air superdrive, had to have one so I could watch movies and listen to music on my new computer, which I’ll admit, I bought because it’s so damn gorgeous.

La Encantada is the fanciest mall in Tucson. The Apple Store was mobbed, no shortage of dollars in that small space. So I proudly swung my small high-tech purchase in its bag on my wrist. I was one of the fortunate ones. I headed over to AJ’s Fine Foods. It was mobbed too. Shelf after well-stocked shelf gleamed with beautiful products for beautiful, or at least rich, people.

A colleague often gets coffee and a muffin at AJ’s on her way to work. I’ve noticed their bag on her desk and wondered how expensive the goodies were. Really not bad, I discovered, the only affordable edibles in the store (I had checked it out after AJ’s opened. When I found a “special” of lobster tails from new Zealand for $49.95 a pound I never returned.)

After chomping down an all-fruit low-fat muffin and a creme brulee decaf iced coffee on my short drive home, I was ready to tackle the Sunday Times. Or so I thought. Afterwards I was planning to see “Happy,” a documentary at our artsy Loft Cinema. (Not for Dan, besides he was resting after his morning bike ride).

Reading the Times, I marked a de Kooning exhibit at MoMa, a Stieglitz exhibit and new galleries on Central Asia at the Met I wanted to see in New York over my Thanksgiving visit. Then came the hard part: Maureen Dowd’s Op-Ed on why Republicans disdain smart people while milking the poor, or yell about “class warfare” as a way for millionaires to pay less taxes. I read about millionaires living on enormous investment income are taxed at 15 percent while most of us are taxed at 35 percent.

I didn’t go see “Happy” and I had a short unhappy glitch last night. But my life is good. It would be nice for everyone to have a chance to smell the roses.

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