Oh please, what is it with the American Family Association? How could they possibly endorse Newt Gingrich in the Iowa Republican caucus? What happened to family values?

newt, a noun — a small rough-skinned amphibian with lungs and a well-developed tail, typically spending its adult life [conniving] and returning to the water to breed

“She’s not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of a president. And besides, she has cancer,” the newt reportedly told L.H. Carter, a former campaign treasurer.  (Gingrich has denied saying it and dismisses Carter as a disgruntled campaign aide.)

In the 1990s, he rounded up his Republican cohorts to impeach Wild Bill for cavorting with a young intern in the Oval Office, while he was having an affair with his own young intern.

What bullshit.

What’s his real first name anyway?

Newton — as in fig newton, square, filled with sticky paste, easily crumbles